He waked up late next day after a broken sleep. But his sleep had not refreshed him; he waked up bilious, irritable, ill-tempered, and looked with hatred at his room. It was a tiny cupboard of a room about six paces in length. It had a poverty-stricken appearance with its dusty yellow paper peeling off the walls, and it was so low-pitched that a man of more than average height was ill at ease in it and felt every moment that he would knock his head against the ceiling. The furniture was in keeping with the room: there were three old chairs, rather rickety; a painted table in the corner on which lay a few manuscripts and books; the dust that lay thick upon them showed that they had been long untouched. A big clumsy sofa occupied almost the whole of one wall and half the floor space of the room; it was once covered with chintz, but was now in rags and served Raskolnikov as a bed. Often he went to sleep on it, as he was, without undressing, without sheets, wrapped in his old student's overcoat, with his head on one little pillow, under which he heaped up all the linen he had, clean and dirty, by way of a bolster. A little table stood in front of the sofa.
It would have been difficult to sink to a lower ebb of disorder, but to Raskolnikov in his present state of mind this was positively agreeable. He had got completely away from everyone, like a tortoise in its shell, and even the sight of a servant girl who had to wait upon him and looked sometimes into his room made him writhe with nervous irritation. He was in the condition that overtakes some monomaniacs entirely concentrated upon one thing. His landlady had for the last fortnight given up sending him in meals, and he had not yet thought of expostulating with her, though he went without his dinner. Nastasya, the cook and only servant, was rather pleased at the lodger's mood and had entirely given up sweeping and doing his room, only once a week or so she would stray into his room with a broom. She waked him up that day.
"Get up, why are you asleep?" she called to him. "It's past nine, I have brought you some tea; will you have a cup? I should think you're fairly starving?"
Raskolnikov opened his eyes, started and recognised Nastasya.
"From the landlady, eh?" he asked, slowly and with a sickly face sitting up on the sofa.
"From the landlady, indeed!"
She set before him her own cracked teapot full of weak and stale tea and laid two yellow lumps of sugar by the side of it.
"Here, Nastasya, take it please," he said, fumbling in his pocket (for he had slept in his clothes) and taking out a handful of coppers--"run and buy me a loaf. And get me a little sausage, the cheapest, at the pork-butcher's."
"The loaf I'll fetch you this very minute, but wouldn't you rather have some cabbage soup instead of sausage? It's capital soup, yesterday's. I saved it for you yesterday, but you came in late. It's fine soup."
When the soup had been brought, and he had begun upon it, Nastasya sat down beside him on the sofa and began chatting. She was a country peasant-woman and a very talkative one.
"Praskovya Pavlovna means to complain to the police about you," she said.
He scowled.
"To the police? What does she want?"
"You don't pay her money and you won't turn out of the room. That's what she wants, to be sure."
"The devil, that's the last straw," he muttered, grinding his teeth, "no, that would not suit me . . . just now. She is a fool," he added aloud. "I'll go and talk to her to-day."
"Fool she is and no mistake, just as I am. But why, if you are so clever, do you lie here like a sack and have nothing to show for it? One time you used to go out, you say, to teach children. But why is it you do nothing now?"
"I am doing . . ." Raskolnikov began sullenly and reluctantly.
"What are you doing?"
"Work . . ."
"What sort of work?"
"I am thinking," he answered seriously after a pause.
Nastasya was overcome with a fit of laughter. She was given to laughter and when anything amused her, she laughed inaudibly, quivering and shaking all over till she felt ill.
"And have you made much money by your thinking?" she managed to articulate at last.
"One can't go out to give lessons without boots. And I'm sick of it."
"Don't quarrel with your bread and butter."
"They pay so little for lessons. What's the use of a few coppers?" he answered, reluctantly, as though replying to his own thought.
"And you want to get a fortune all at once?"
He looked at her strangely.
"Yes, I want a fortune," he answered firmly, after a brief pause.
"Don't be in such a hurry, you quite frighten me! Shall I get you the loaf or not?"
"As you please."
"Ah, I forgot! A letter came for you yesterday when you were out."
"A letter? for me! from whom?"
"I can't say. I gave three copecks of my own to the postman for it. Will you pay me back?"
"Then bring it to me, for God's sake, bring it," cried Raskolnikov greatly excited--"good God!"
A minute later the letter was brought him. That was it: from his mother, from the province of R----. He turned pale when he took it. It was a long while since he had received a letter, but another feeling also suddenly stabbed his heart.
"Nastasya, leave me alone, for goodness' sake; here are your three copecks, but for goodness' sake, make haste and go!"
The letter was quivering in his hand; he did not want to open it in her presence; he wanted to be left /alone/ with this letter. When Nastasya had gone out, he lifted it quickly to his lips and kissed it; then he gazed intently at the address, the small, sloping handwriting, so dear and familiar, of the mother who had once taught him to read and write. He delayed; he seemed almost afraid of something. At last he opened it; it was a thick heavy letter, weighing over two ounces, two large sheets of note paper were covered with very small handwriting.
"My dear Rodya," wrote his mother--"it's two months since I last had a talk with you by letter which has distressed me and even kept me awake at night, thinking. But I am sure you will not blame me for my inevitable silence. You know how I love you; you are all we have to look to, Dounia and I, you are our all, our one hope, our one stay. What a grief it was to me when I heard that you had given up the university some months ago, for want of means to keep yourself and that you had lost your lessons and your other work! How could I help you out of my hundred and twenty roubles a year pension? The fifteen roubles I sent you four months ago I borrowed, as you know, on security of my pension, from Vassily Ivanovitch Vahrushin a merchant of this town. He is a kind-hearted man and was a friend of your father's too. But having given him the right to receive the pension, I had to wait till the debt was paid off and that is only just done, so that I've been unable to send you anything all this time. But now, thank God, I believe I shall be able to send you something more and in fact we may congratulate ourselves on our good fortune now, of which I hasten to inform you. In the first place, would you have guessed, dear Rodya, that your sister has been living with me for the last six weeks and we shall not be separated in the future. Thank God, her sufferings are over, but I will tell you everything in order, so that you may know just how everything has happened and all that we have hitherto concealed from you. When you wrote to me two months ago that you had heard that Dounia had a great deal to put up with in the Svidrigrailovs' house, when you wrote that and asked me to tell you all about it--what could I write in answer to you? If I had written the whole truth to you, I dare say you would have thrown up everything and have come to us, even if you had to walk all the way, for I know your character and your feelings, and you would not let your sister be insulted. I was in despair myself, but what could I do? And, besides, I did not know the whole truth myself then. What made it all so difficult was that Dounia received a hundred roubles in advance when she took the place as governess in their family, on condition of part of her salary being deducted every month, and so it was impossible to throw up the situation without repaying the debt. This sum (now I can explain it all to you, my precious Rodya) she took chiefly in order to send you sixty roubles, which you needed so terribly then and which you received from us last year. We deceived you then, writing that this money came from Dounia's savings, but that was not so, and now I tell you all about it, because, thank God, things have suddenly changed for the better, and that you may know how Dounia loves you and what a heart she has. At first indeed Mr. Svidrigailov treated her very rudely and used to make disrespectful and jeering remarks at table. . . . But I don't want to go into all those painful details, so as not to worry you for nothing when it is now all over. In short, in spite of the kind and generous behaviour of Marfa Petrovna, Mr. Svidrigailov's wife, and all the rest of the household, Dounia had a very hard time, especially when Mr. Svidrigailov, relapsing into his old regimental habits, was under the influence of Bacchus. And how do you think it was all explained later on? Would you believe that the crazy fellow had conceived a passion for Dounia from the beginning, but had concealed it under a show of rudeness and contempt. Possibly he was ashamed and horrified himself at his own flighty hopes, considering his years and his being the father of a family; and that made him angry with Dounia. And possibly, too, he hoped by his rude and sneering behaviour to hide the truth from others. But at last he lost all control and had the face to make Dounia an open and shameful proposal, promising her all sorts of inducements and offering, besides, to throw up everything and take her to another estate of his, or even abroad. You can imagine all she went through! To leave her situation at once was impossible not only on account of the money debt, but also to spare the feelings of Marfa Petrovna, whose suspicions would have been aroused: and then Dounia would have been the cause of a rupture in the family. And it would have meant a terrible scandal for Dounia too; that would have been inevitable. There were various other reasons owing to which Dounia could not hope to escape from that awful house for another six weeks. You know Dounia, of course; you know how clever she is and what a strong will she has. Dounia can endure a great deal and even in the most difficult cases she has the fortitude to maintain her firmness. She did not even write to me about everything for fear of upsetting me, although we were constantly in communication. It all ended very unexpectedly. Marfa Petrovna accidentally overheard her husband imploring Dounia in the garden, and, putting quite a wrong interpretation on the position, threw the blame upon her, believing her to be the cause of it all. An awful scene took place between them on the spot in the garden; Marfa Petrovna went so far as to strike Dounia, refused to hear anything and was shouting at her for a whole hour and then gave orders that Dounia should be packed off at once to me in a plain peasant's cart, into which they flung all her things, her linen and her clothes, all pell-mell, without folding it up and packing it. And a heavy shower of rain came on, too, and Dounia, insulted and put to shame, had to drive with a peasant in an open cart all the seventeen versts into town. Only think now what answer could I have sent to the letter I received from you two months ago and what could I have written? I was in despair; I dared not write to you the truth because you would have been very unhappy, mortified and indignant, and yet what could you do? You could only perhaps ruin yourself, and, besides, Dounia would not allow it; and fill up my letter with trifles when my heart was so full of sorrow, I could not. For a whole month the town was full of gossip about this scandal, and it came to such a pass that Dounia and I dared not even go to church on account of the contemptuous looks, whispers, and even remarks made aloud about us. All our acquaintances avoided us, nobody even bowed to us in the street, and I learnt that some shopmen and clerks were intending to insult us in a shameful way, smearing the gates of our house with pitch, so that the landlord began to tell us we must leave. All this was set going by Marfa Petrovna who managed to slander Dounia and throw dirt at her in every family. She knows everyone in the neighbourhood, and that month she was continually coming into the town, and as she is rather talkative and fond of gossiping about her family affairs and particularly of complaining to all and each of her husband--which is not at all right --so in a short time she had spread her story not only in the town, but over the whole surrounding district. It made me ill, but Dounia bore it better than I did, and if only you could have seen how she endured it all and tried to comfort me and cheer me up! She is an angel! But by God's mercy, our sufferings were cut short: Mr. Svidrigailov returned to his senses and repented and, probably feeling sorry for Dounia, he laid before Marfa Petrovna a complete and unmistakable proof of Dounia's innocence, in the form of a letter Dounia had been forced to write and give to him, before Marfa Petrovna came upon them in the garden. This letter, which remained in Mr. Svidrigailov's hands after her departure, she had written to refuse personal explanations and secret interviews, for which he was entreating her. In that letter she reproached him with great heat and indignation for the baseness of his behaviour in regard to Marfa Petrovna, reminding him that he was the father and head of a family and telling him how infamous it was of him to torment and make unhappy a defenceless girl, unhappy enough already. Indeed, dear Rodya, the letter was so nobly and touchingly written that I sobbed when I read it and to this day I cannot read it without tears. Moreover, the evidence of the servants, too, cleared Dounia's reputation; they had seen and known a great deal more than Mr. Svidrigailov had himself supposed --as indeed is always the case with servants. Marfa Petrovna was completely taken aback, and 'again crushed' as she said herself to us, but she was completely convinced of Dounia's innocence. The very next day, being Sunday, she went straight to the Cathedral, knelt down and prayed with tears to Our Lady to give her strength to bear this new trial and to do her duty. Then she came straight from the Cathedral to us, told us the whole story, wept bitterly and, fully penitent, she embraced Dounia and besought her to forgive her. The same morning without any delay, she went round to all the houses in the town and everywhere, shedding tears, she asserted in the most flattering terms Dounia's innocence and the nobility of her feelings and her behavior. What was more, she showed and read to everyone the letter in Dounia's own handwriting to Mr. Svidrigailov and even allowed them to take copies of it--which I must say I think was superfluous. In this way she was busy for several days in driving about the whole town, because some people had taken offence through precedence having been given to others. And therefore they had to take turns, so that in every house she was expected before she arrived, and everyone knew that on such and such a day Marfa Petrovna would be reading the letter in such and such a place and people assembled for every reading of it, even many who had heard it several times already both in their own houses and in other people's. In my opinion a great deal, a very great deal of all this was unnecessary; but that's Marfa Petrovna's character. Anyway she succeeded in completely re-establishing Dounia's reputation and the whole ignominy of this affair rested as an indelible disgrace upon her husband, as the only person to blame, so that I really began to feel sorry for him; it was really treating the crazy fellow too harshly. Dounia was at once asked to give lessons in several families, but she refused. All of a sudden everyone began to treat her with marked respect and all this did much to bring about the event by which, one may say, our whole fortunes are now transformed. You must know, dear Rodya, that Dounia has a suitor and that she has already consented to marry him. I hasten to tell you all about the matter, and though it has been arranged without asking your consent, I think you will not be aggrieved with me or with your sister on that account, for you will see that we could not wait and put off our decision till we heard from you. And you could not have judged all the facts without being on the spot. This was how it happened. He is already of the rank of a counsellor, Pyotr Petrovitch Luzhin, and is distantly related to Marfa Petrovna, who has been very active in bringing the match about. It began with his expressing through her his desire to make our acquaintance. He was properly received, drank coffee with us and the very next day he sent us a letter in which he very courteously made an offer and begged for a speedy and decided answer. He is a very busy man and is in a great hurry to get to Petersburg, so that every moment is precious to him. At first, of course, we were greatly surprised, as it had all happened so quickly and unexpectedly. We thought and talked it over the whole day. He is a well-to-do man, to be depended upon, he has two posts in the government and has already made his fortune. It is true that he is forty-five years old, but he is of a fairly prepossessing appearance and might still be thought attractive by women, and he is altogether a very respectable and presentable man, only he seems a little morose and somewhat conceited. But possibly that may only be the impression he makes at first sight. And beware, dear Rodya, when he comes to Petersburg, as he shortly will do, beware of judging him too hastily and severely, as your way is, if there is anything you do not like in him at first sight. I give you this warning, although I feel sure that he will make a favourable impression upon you. Moreover, in order to understand any man one must be deliberate and careful to avoid forming prejudices and mistaken ideas, which are very difficult to correct and get over afterwards. And Pyotr Petrovitch, judging by many indications, is a thoroughly estimable man. At his first visit, indeed, he told us that he was a practical man, but still he shares, as he expressed it, many of the convictions 'of our most rising generation' and he is an opponent of all prejudices. He said a good deal more, for he seems a little conceited and likes to be listened to, but this is scarcely a vice. I, of course, understood very little of it, but Dounia explained to me that, though he is not a man of great education, he is clever and seems to be good-natured. You know your sister's character, Rodya. She is a resolute, sensible, patient and generous girl, but she has a passionate heart, as I know very well. Of course, there is no great love either on his side, or on hers, but Dounia is a clever girl and has the heart of an angel, and will make it her duty to make her husband happy who on his side will make her happiness his care. Of that we have no good reason to doubt, though it must be admitted the matter has been arranged in great haste. Besides he is a man of great prudence and he will see, to be sure, of himself, that his own happiness will be the more secure, the happier Dounia is with him. And as for some defects of character, for some habits and even certain differences of opinion --which indeed are inevitable even in the happiest marriages-- Dounia has said that, as regards all that, she relies on herself, that there is nothing to be uneasy about, and that she is ready to put up with a great deal, if only their future relationship can be an honourable and straightforward one. He struck me, for instance, at first, as rather abrupt, but that may well come from his being an outspoken man, and that is no doubt how it is. For instance, at his second visit, after he had received Dounia's consent, in the course of conversation, he declared that before making Dounia's acquaintance, he had made up his mind to marry a girl of good reputation, without dowry and, above all, one who had experienced poverty, because, as he explained, a man ought not to be indebted to his wife, but that it is better for a wife to look upon her husband as her benefactor. I must add that he expressed it more nicely and politely than I have done, for I have forgotten his actual phrases and only remember the meaning. And, besides, it was obviously not said of design, but slipped out in the heat of conversation, so that he tried afterwards to correct himself and smooth it over, but all the same it did strike me as somewhat rude, and I said so afterwards to Dounia. But Dounia was vexed, and answered that 'words are not deeds,' and that, of course, is perfectly true. Dounia did not sleep all night before she made up her mind, and, thinking that I was asleep, she got out of bed and was walking up and down the room all night; at last she knelt down before the ikon and prayed long and fervently and in the morning she told me that she had decided.
"I have mentioned already that Pyotr Petrovitch is just setting off for Petersburg, where he has a great deal of business, and he wants to open a legal bureau. He has been occupied for many years in conducting civil and commercial litigation, and only the other day he won an important case. He has to be in Petersburg because he has an important case before the Senate. So, Rodya dear, he may be of the greatest use to you, in every way indeed, and Dounia and I have agreed that from this very day you could definitely enter upon your career and might consider that your future is marked out and assured for you. Oh, if only this comes to pass! This would be such a benefit that we could only look upon it as a providential blessing. Dounia is dreaming of nothing else. We have even ventured already to drop a few words on the subject to Pyotr Petrovitch. He was cautious in his answer, and said that, of course, as he could not get on without a secretary, it would be better to be paying a salary to a relation than to a stranger, if only the former were fitted for the duties (as though there could be doubt of your being fitted!) but then he expressed doubts whether your studies at the university would leave you time for work at his office. The matter dropped for the time, but Dounia is thinking of nothing else now. She has been in a sort of fever for the last few days, and has already made a regular plan for your becoming in the end an associate and even a partner in Pyotr Petrovitch's business, which might well be, seeing that you are a student of law. I am in complete agreement with her, Rodya, and share all her plans and hopes, and think there is every probability of realising them. And in spite of Pyotr Petrovitch's evasiveness, very natural at present (since he does not know you), Dounia is firmly persuaded that she will gain everything by her good influence over her future husband; this she is reckoning upon. Of course we are careful not to talk of any of these more remote plans to Pyotr Petrovitch, especially of your becoming his partner. He is a practical man and might take this very coldly, it might all seem to him simply a day-dream. Nor has either Dounia or I breathed a word to him of the great hopes we have of his helping us to pay for your university studies; we have not spoken of it in the first place, because it will come to pass of itself, later on, and he will no doubt without wasting words offer to do it of himself, (as though he could refuse Dounia that) the more readily since you may by your own efforts become his right hand in the office, and receive this assistance not as a charity, but as a salary earned by your own work. Dounia wants to arrange it all like this and I quite agree with her. And we have not spoken of our plans for another reason, that is, because I particularly wanted you to feel on an equal footing when you first meet him. When Dounia spoke to him with enthusiasm about you, he answered that one could never judge of a man without seeing him close, for oneself, and that he looked forward to forming his own opinion when he makes your acquaintance. Do you know, my precious Rodya, I think that perhaps for some reasons (nothing to do with Pyotr Petrovitch though, simply for my own personal, perhaps old- womanish, fancies) I should do better to go on living by myself, apart, than with them, after the wedding. I am convinced that he will be generous and delicate enough to invite me and to urge me to remain with my daughter for the future, and if he has said nothing about it hitherto, it is simply because it has been taken for granted; but I shall refuse. I have noticed more than once in my life that husbands don't quite get on with their mothers-in- law, and I don't want to be the least bit in anyone's way, and for my own sake, too, would rather be quite independent, so long as I have a crust of bread of my own, and such children as you and Dounia. If possible, I would settle somewhere near you, for the most joyful piece of news, dear Rodya, I have kept for the end of my letter: know then, my dear boy, that we may, perhaps, be all together in a very short time and may embrace one another again after a separation of almost three years! It is settled /for certain/ that Dounia and I are to set off for Petersburg, exactly when I don't know, but very, very soon, possibly in a week. It all depends on Pyotr Petrovitch who will let us know when he has had time to look round him in Petersburg. To suit his own arrangements he is anxious to have the ceremony as soon as possible, even before the fast of Our Lady, if it could be managed, or if that is too soon to be ready, immediately after. Oh, with what happiness I shall press you to my heart! Dounia is all excitement at the joyful thought of seeing you, she said one day in joke that she would be ready to marry Pyotr Petrovitch for that alone. She is an angel! She is not writing anything to you now, and has only told me to write that she has so much, so much to tell you that she is not going to take up her pen now, for a few lines would tell you nothing, and it would only mean upsetting herself; she bids me send you her love and innumerable kisses. But although we shall be meeting so soon, perhaps I shall send you as much money as I can in a day or two. Now that everyone has heard that Dounia is to marry Pyotr Petrovitch, my credit has suddenly improved and I know that Afanasy Ivanovitch will trust me now even to seventy-five roubles on the security of my pension, so that perhaps I shall be able to send you twenty-five or even thirty roubles. I would send you more, but I am uneasy about our travelling expenses; for though Pyotr Petrovitch has been so kind as to undertake part of the expenses of the journey, that is to say, he has taken upon himself the conveyance of our bags and big trunk (which will be conveyed through some acquaintances of his), we must reckon upon some expense on our arrival in Petersburg, where we can't be left without a halfpenny, at least for the first few days. But we have calculated it all, Dounia and I, to the last penny, and we see that the journey will not cost very much. It is only ninety versts from us to the railway and we have come to an agreement with a driver we know, so as to be in readiness; and from there Dounia and I can travel quite comfortably third class. So that I may very likely be able to send to you not twenty-five, but thirty roubles. But enough; I have covered two sheets already and there is no space left for more; our whole history, but so many events have happened! And now, my precious Rodya, I embrace you and send you a mother's blessing till we meet. Love Dounia your sister, Rodya; love her as she loves you and understand that she loves you beyond everything, more than herself. She is an angel and you, Rodya, you are everything to us--our one hope, our one consolation. If only you are happy, we shall be happy. Do you still say your prayers, Rodya, and believe in the mercy of our Creator and our Redeemer? I am afraid in my heart that you may have been visited by the new spirit of infidelity that is abroad to-day; If it is so, I pray for you. Remember, dear boy, how in your childhood, when your father was living, you used to lisp your prayers at my knee, and how happy we all were in those days. Good-bye, till we meet then-- I embrace you warmly, warmly, with many kisses.
"Yours till death,
"PULCHERIA RASKOLNIKOV."
Almost from the first, while he read the letter, Raskolnikov's face was wet with tears; but when he finished it, his face was pale and distorted and a bitter, wrathful and malignant smile was on his lips. He laid his head down on his threadbare dirty pillow and pondered, pondered a long time. His heart was beating violently, and his brain was in a turmoil. At last he felt cramped and stifled in the little yellow room that was like a cupboard or a box. His eyes and his mind craved for space. He took up his hat and went out, this time without dread of meeting anyone; he had forgotten his dread. He turned in the direction of the Vassilyevsky Ostrov, walking along Vassilyevsky Prospect, as though hastening on some business, but he walked, as his habit was, without noticing his way, muttering and even speaking aloud to himself, to the astonishment of the passers-by. Many of them took him to be drunk.
第二天,已经很迟了,他才醒来,夜里睡得很不安宁,睡眠并没能使他恢复一精一神.他醒来时火气很大,很容易激动,恶狠狠的,而且憎恨地看了看自己那间小屋.这是一间很小而且十分简陋的陋室,只有六步长,墙纸已经发黄,落满了灰尘,而且都快从墙上掉下来了,小屋那么矮,个子稍高一点儿的人在屋里会感到提心吊胆,老是觉得,似乎头就要撞到天花板上.家具配这小屋倒是挺合适的:三把远非完好无损的旧椅子,一张上过漆的桌子摆在墙角落里,桌上放着几本练一习一本和几本书;练一习一本和书上落满灰尘,单从这一点就可以看出,已经很久没有人碰过它们了;最后,还有一张笨重的大沙发,几乎占据了一面墙壁和半间屋子,沙发上曾经蒙着印花布面,可是现在面子已经破烂不堪,这张沙发也就是拉斯科利尼科夫的一床一铺.他经常和衣睡在沙发上,没有一床一单,把自己上大学时穿的那件已经破旧的大衣盖在身上,一床一头放了个小枕头,他把所有的内一衣,不管是干净的,还是穿脏了的,统统都垫在枕头底下,好让枕头显得高一些.沙发前摆着一张小桌.
不修边幅,邋里邋遢,已经到了极点;但是在目前的一精一神状态下,拉斯科利尼科夫甚至觉得,这样倒挺惬意.他毅然决然地离群索居,就像乌龟缩进了龟甲,就连有责任服侍她的女仆有时朝他屋里看上一眼,一见到她的脸,也会惹得他大动肝火,使他痉一挛.有一些过分专心致志思考什么问题的偏执狂往往就是这样的.他的女房东已经有两个星期不再给他送饭来了.尽管他没有饭吃,可直到现在他还没想过要去和她一交一涉一下.女房东的女厨子和唯一的女仆娜斯塔西娅倒有点儿喜欢房客的这种心情,于是索一性一不再来收拾,打扫他的房间了,只是一星期里有时偶尔有一次拿起扫帚来打扫一下.现在就是她叫醒了他.
"起来吧,还睡什么!"她站在他一床一前大声喊,"八点多了.
我给你送茶来了;要喝茶吗?大概饿瘦了吧?"
房客睁开眼,颤一抖了一下,他认出了娜斯塔西娅.
"茶是房东叫你送来的吗?"他满脸病容,慢慢从沙发上欠起身来.
"哪会是房东啊!"
她们自己那把有裂纹的茶壶放到他面前,壶里是已经喝过又兑了水的茶,还放了两小块发黄的砂糖.
"给,娜斯塔西娅,请你拿着,"他在衣袋里摸了摸(他就这样和衣睡了一一夜),掏出一小把铜币,"去给我买个小圆面包.再到灌肠店里多少买点儿灌肠,要便宜点儿的."
"小圆面包我这就给你拿来,你要不要喝点儿菜汤,灌肠就别买了?挺好吃的菜汤,昨儿个的.还在昨天我就给你留下了,可你回来得迟.挺好吃的菜汤."
菜汤拿来以后,他吃了起来,娜斯塔西娅在沙发上他的身边坐下,闲聊开了.她是个乡下来的女人,而且是个多嘴多舌的女人.
"普拉斯科韦娅·帕夫洛芙娜要到警察局告你去,"她说.
他使劲皱起眉头.
"去警察局?她要干什么?"
"你不给房钱,也不搬走.她要干什么,这还不清楚吗?"
"哼,见鬼,竟还有这么糟糕的事,"他把牙咬得喀喀地响,嘟嘟囔囔地说,"不,这对我来说,现在......可不是时候......她是个傻瓜,"他高声补上一句."我今天就去找她,跟她谈谈."
"傻嘛,她倒是傻,跟我一样,可你呢,你这个聪明人,像条口袋样整天躺着,有什么用处?你说,从前教孩子们念书,可现在为什么啥事也不干?"
"我在做......"拉斯科利尼科夫不乐意而且严肃地说.
"做什么?"
"工作......"
"什么工作?"
"我在想,"他沉默了一会儿,严肃地回答.
娜斯塔西娅忍不住哈哈大笑起来.她是个一爱一笑的人,每当有什么事情逗她笑的时候,她就不出声地笑个不停,笑得前仰后合,浑身发一抖,一直笑到感到恶心,方才罢休.
"是不是想出很多钱来了?"她终于能说出话来了.
"没有靴子,不能去教孩子们念书.再说,教书,我才瞧不起呢."
"你别往井里吐痰呀."①
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①这是句语意双关的俏皮话."教书,我才瞧不起呢",逐字直译应该是:"呸,教书,我要啐它一口."俄罗斯有句谚语:"别往井里吐痰,以后你也许会喝井里的水呢."所以娜斯塔西娅叫他"别往井里吐痰".
"教小孩子,给的钱很少.几个戈比能派什么用处?"他不乐意地继续说,仿佛是在回答自己心里的一些想法.
"你想一下子就发大财吗?"
他奇怪地瞅了她一眼.
"不错,是想发大财,"他沉默了一会儿,坚决地回答.
"哎哟,你可要慢慢来呀,要不,会吓坏人的;这真太可怕了.小圆面包要去买吗,还是不要了?"
"随便你."
"啊,我忘了!昨儿个你不在的时候,来了一封给你的信."
"信!给我的!谁来的?"
"谁来的,我可不知道.给了邮差三个戈比,钱是我自己的,你还给我吗?"
"那么拿来,看在上帝份上,拿来吧!"拉斯科利尼科夫焦急地大声说,"天哪!"
不一会儿,信拿来了.果然不错:是母亲从P省寄来的.他接信的时候,连脸都发白了.他已经很久没接到过信了;但现在还有点儿什么别的心事揪紧了他的心.
"娜斯塔西娅,你出去吧,看在上帝份上;喏,这是你的三个戈比,只不过看在上帝份上,你快点儿出去吧!"
信在他手里抖动着;他不想当着她的面拆开来:他想独自一人看这封信.娜斯塔西娅出去以后,他很快地把信拿到唇边吻了一吻;然后又久久地细细端详信封上地址的笔迹,端详曾经教他读书,写字的母亲那熟悉而又可一爱一的,细小的斜体字.他不忙着拆信;他甚至好像害怕什么似的.最后他拆开了:信很长,很厚,有两洛特①重,很小很小的小字密密麻麻地写满了两大张信纸.
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①俄罗斯重量单位,一洛特等于十二·八克.
"我亲一爱一的罗佳,"母亲写道,"已经有两个多月我没在信上和你谈心了,因此我很难过,有时夜里想啊,想啊,睡都睡不着.不过你大概不会为我这迫不得已的沉默责怪我.你知道我是多么一爱一你;你是我们的,是我和杜尼娅唯一的亲人,你是我们的一切,是我们的全部希望,我们的一切期望都寄托在你的身上.当我得知,你由于无以为生,已经辍学数月,而且教书和其他收入来源都已断绝时,我是多么难过!靠一年一百二十卢布养老金,我能拿什么帮助你呢?你自己也知道,四个月前寄给你的十五卢布是我以这笔养老金作抵押,向我们这儿的商人阿凡纳西·伊万诺维奇·瓦赫鲁申借来的.他是个好心人,还是你父亲的朋友呢.但是把领养老金的权利让给他以后,我必须等待着还清这笔债务,而直到现在债才还清,因此在这段时间里,我就什么也不能寄给你了.可是现在,谢天谢地,看来我又能再给你寄点儿钱去了,而且一般说来,我们现在甚至可以夸口说一交一了好运,而我正急于把这件事告诉你.第一,你是否能料到,亲一爱一的罗佳,你妹妹和我住在一起已经有一个半月了,而且今后我们将不再分离.感谢上帝,她所受的折磨已经结束了,不过我要按照顺序把一切原原本本地告诉你,好让你知道事情的前后经过,让你知道迄今我们一直瞒着你的这件事.两个月前你写信给我,说听别人说,似乎杜尼娅在斯维德里盖洛夫先生家受到许多粗一暴无礼的对待,要我把真实情况告诉你,--当时我能怎样给你回信呢?如果把实情全都写信告诉你,你大概会丢下一切,哪怕步行,也要回到我们这里来,因为你的一性一格,你的感情,我都十分了解,你是决不会让自己的妹妹受人欺侮的.我自己已陷入悲观绝望的境地,可是我能做什么呢?当时连我也不了解全部真相.主要的难处在于,杜涅奇卡去年到他家去作家庭教师的时候,曾预支过一百卢布,条件是每月从她的薪水里扣还,因此在还清借款之前,不能离职.而她借这笔钱(现在可以把一切都告诉你了,亲一爱一的罗佳)主要是为了寄给你六十卢布,当时你是那么迫切地需要这些钱,而去年你已经从我们这儿收到这笔钱了.当时我们欺骗了你,写信说,这是从杜涅奇卡以前的积蓄中拿出来的,但事实并非如此;现在我把全部实情都告诉你,因为现在一切都突然好转了,而这是按照上帝的意志,我所以要告诉你全部实情,也是为了让你知道,杜尼娅是多么一爱一你,她有一颗多么善良的心.斯维德里盖洛夫先生起初对她的确十分粗一暴无礼,同桌用餐时言行常常失礼,还嘲笑她......不过当这一切现在都已结束时,我不想详谈这些令人苦恼的往事,以免徒然让你为此感到激动.我说简单些吧,尽管斯维德里盖洛夫夫人玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜和家里所有其他人待她很好,光明正大,可杜涅奇卡还是十分痛苦,尤其是当斯维德里盖洛夫先生由于在军队里养成的老一习一惯,处于巴克斯①影响之下的时候.但后来怎样了呢?你要知道,这个任一性一胡一来的家伙早就对杜尼娅产生了强烈的激一情,怀有非分的想法,却用粗一暴无礼和蔑视她来掩盖这一切.可能他想到自己已经上了年纪,又是一家之主,作了父亲,还会产生这种轻佻的念头,连自己也感到羞愧,而且害怕了,因此才不由自主地把脾气发到杜尼娅头上来吧.可也许他是想用自己的粗一暴无礼和嘲笑来掩人耳目,隐瞒真相.但是他终于忍不住了,竟敢卑鄙无一耻地公然向杜尼娅求婚,答应送给她很多东西,除此而外,还要抛弃一切,和她一同去另一个村庄,或者还要到国外去.你可以想象得出她的心里多么痛苦!不能立即辞职,不仅是因为借了债,而且是因为可怜玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜,她可能突然产生怀疑,从而引起一场家庭纠纷.而且对杜涅奇卡来说,这也是很丢脸的事;这种事不会不被宣扬出去.这儿还有许许多多各对各样的原因,因此,六个星期以前,杜尼娅无论如何也不能下决心离开这家可怕的人家.当然,你了解杜尼娅,你知道她是多么聪明,而且一性一格多么坚强.杜涅奇卡能忍辱负重,即使在极端窘困的情况下,她也如此宽洪大量,保持坚强的意志.她甚至没有写信把这些事告诉我,以免让我难过,可我们是经常通信的.结局来得很突然,出乎意料.玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜无意中偷一听到她丈夫在花园里恳求杜尼娅,曲解了他的话,把一切都归咎于杜尼娅,认为她是这一切的根源.于是花园里立刻爆发了一场可怕的争吵:玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜甚至打了杜尼娅,什么话也不想听,大吵大闹,整整叫嚷了一个钟头,最后吩咐立刻用一辆普通的农民大车把杜尼娅送回城里,送到我这里来,把她的所有东西,内一衣,衣服,统统都丢到车上,既没收拾,也没包扎.这时又下起了倾盆大雨.杜尼娅满腹委屈,受尽羞辱,还要和一个庄稼汉一起坐在一辆无篷大车上,整整走十七俄里路.现在你想想看,接到你两个月前给我的信,我怎么给你写回信,能给你写什么呢?我自己正处于悲观绝望的境地;我不敢把实情告诉你,因为你会感到非常痛苦,伤心和愤慨,再说你能做什么呢?大概你会毁了自己,而且杜涅奇卡也不让我告诉你;可是在我心里这么难过的时候,我也不能在信里尽写些不相干的琐事.整整一个月我们这儿闹得满城风雨,谣言不胫而走,纷纷议论这件事情,甚至弄到了这种地步,我和杜尼娅都不能到教堂去了,因为人们都向我们投来蔑视的目光,嘁嘁喳喳,风言风语,有人甚至当着我们的面高声议论.所有熟人都躲着我们,甚至不再向我们点头问好,我还确切得知,商店里的一些伙计和某些小公务员想以卑鄙的手段侮辱我们,拿柏油抹在我们的大门上②,闹得房东也开始要我们搬家了.这一切都是因为玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜挨家挨户散布谣言,责备杜尼娅,败坏她的名誉.我们这儿的人,她个个都认识,这个月里她经常进城,因为她有点儿多嘴多舌,心里藏不住一点儿秘密,喜欢谈论自己家里的事,尤其喜欢向每个人抱怨自己的丈夫,这可是个很坏的脾气,所以短短几天里,她就不但把事情闹得传遍全城,而且传遍了全县.我病倒了,杜涅奇卡却比我坚强,可惜你没看到,她是怎样忍受着这一切,还要安慰我,鼓励我!她是个天使!但上帝是仁慈的,由于他的善心,我们的苦难到了尽头:斯维德里盖洛夫先生良心发现,懊悔了,大概是可怜杜尼娅了吧,他向玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜提出了足以证明杜涅奇卡无辜的,充分和无可争议的证据,这是一封信,这信是在玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜在花园里碰到他们以前,杜尼娅迫不得已写给他的,而且已经一交一给了他,写信的目的,是拒绝他所坚持的当面解释和秘密约会,而在杜涅奇卡走后,这封信还留在斯维德里盖洛夫先生手里.在这封信里,她满腔愤怒,极其激烈地斥责他,而且恰恰是责备他对待玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜的所作所为卑鄙可耻,提醒他,他是父亲,是个有家室的人,最后还谴责他说,折磨一个本来已经不幸和无力自卫的少女,要使她更加痛苦,不幸,在他来说,这是多么丑恶,卑鄙.总之,亲一爱一的罗佳,这封信写得如此光明正大,如此感人,以致我看这封信的时候泣不成声,而且至今我看这信的时候还不能不流眼泪.除此而外,仆人们也终于出来作证,为杜尼娅剖白,他们看到的和所了解的,远比斯维德里盖洛夫先生所认为的要多得多,一般说,这种事情总是如此.玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜大为震惊,而且正如她向我们所承认的,她'又一次感到痛不欲生',然而她已经完全相信杜尼娅是清白的了,第二天,星期天,她坐车直接到大教堂去,满眼含泪跪在圣母像前,祈求圣母给她力量经受这一新的考验,让她能克尽自己的责任.随后,没去任何人那里,就从教堂一直来到我们家里,把一切都告诉了我们,痛哭流涕,悔恨不已,抱住杜尼娅,请求宽恕她.就在那天早晨,她又毫不迟延,径直从我们家出去,遍访城里每家每户,流着眼泪,对杜涅奇卡赞不绝口,用最美的言词为杜涅奇卡恢复名誉.说她清白无辜,她的感情和行为都是高尚的.不仅如此,她还把杜涅奇卡给斯维德里盖洛夫先生的亲笔信拿给所有人看,念给他们听,甚至让人抄录下来(照我看,这已经不必要了).就这样,她一连几天走遍了全城所有人家;因为有些人为了别人有幸先接待她而表示不满,于是排定了次序,这样一来,每家都已经早就有人等待着她,而且人人都知道,哪一天玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜要在哪里念这封信,每次念信时,就连那些按顺序已经在自己家里和其他熟人家里听过好几次的人,又都跑了来再听一遍.我的意见是,这样做是多余的,完全是多余的;但是玛尔法· 彼特罗芙娜就是这样的一性一格.至少她已完全恢复了杜涅奇卡的名誉,这件事情全部卑鄙可耻的责任都落到了她丈夫,这个罪魁祸首的身上,使他蒙受了洗刷不掉的耻辱,因此我甚至可怜起他来;对这个狂妄乖戾的人的惩罚已经太严厉了.立刻有好几家人家请杜尼娅去教课,可是她都谢绝了.总之,大家都忽然对她特别尊敬.主要的是,所有这一切促成了一个意外的机遇,可以说,由于这一机遇,我们的全部命运现在正在发生变化.你要知道,亲一爱一的罗佳,有个未婚的男子向杜尼娅求婚,她已经表示同意,这正是我要赶快告诉你的.尽管没跟你商量,这件事就已经决定了,不过你大概既不会对我,也不会对妹妹有什么意见,因为你自己也可以看出,我们不可能等待,拖延到得到你的回信后再作决定.再说你不在这里,也不可能准确地作全面的考虑.事情是这样的.他,彼得·彼特罗维奇·卢任,已经是个七等文官,而且是玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜的远亲,正是她大力促成了这门婚事.他先是通过她表示有意和我们认识,受到我们殷勤接待,喝了咖啡,第二天他却送来了一封信,信中十分有礼貌地提出求婚,并要求迅速给予最后的回答.他是个能干的人,而且是个忙人,现在他正急于到彼得堡去,所以珍惜每一分钟时间.当然,起初我们都十分惊讶,因为这一切都太快,而且太出乎意外了.那天我们在一起考虑了整整一天,犹豫不决.他是个殷实可靠,生活富裕的人,同时在两处供职,而且已经拥有一笔数目可观的财产.诚然,他已经四十五岁了,但他的外貌使人产生好感,还能讨女人喜欢,而且总的来说,他是个十分庄重和体面的人,只不过稍有点儿一�一郁,还好像有些高傲自大.但也许只是第一眼看上去如此.对了,我要预先告诉你,亲一爱一的罗佳,你们不久将在彼得堡见面了,你见到他,如果第一眼看上去,觉得他有什么地方不讨你喜欢,可不要感情用事,过于匆忙地作出判断,而你是有这个脾气的.我说这话是以防万一,尽管我深信,他一定会让你产生良好的印象.再说,除此而外,要了解一个人,需要逐步逐步,小心谨慎地细心观察,才不致犯错误和抱有成见,而以后要改正错误和消除成见却是十分困难的.而彼得·彼特罗维奇,至少根据许多迹象来看,是一位十分可敬的人.第一次登门造访时他就对我们说,他是个正派人,不过在很多方面,用他自己的话来说,赞同'我们最新一代人的信念',而且是一切偏见的敌人.他还说了许多许多,因为他似乎有点儿一爱一虚荣,而且很喜欢人家听他说话,不过这几乎算不得什么缺点.我当然听不大懂,不过杜尼娅对我解释说,他这个人虽然没受过多少教育,可人是聪明的,而且看来心地善良.罗佳,你是了解你妹妹的一性一格的.这个姑一娘一性一格坚强,深明事理,很有耐心,豁达大度,但她也有一颗热情的心,这我是十分了解的.当然,无论就她这方面,还是就他那方面来说,还谈不上有什么特别的一爱一情,但杜尼娅不但是个聪明姑一娘一,同时也是一个像天使样高尚的人,她把使丈夫获得幸福看作自己的责任,而他也会关心她的幸福,对于后面这一点,我们暂时没有充分的理由表示怀疑,虽然说实在的,事情是办得稍稍匆忙了些.况且他是个很会权衡得失的人,当然,他自己也会明白,杜涅奇卡与他结婚后生活越是幸福,他自己的幸福也就越加可靠.至于一性一格上的某些差异,某些昔日养成的一习一惯,甚至思想上的某些分歧(即使是最幸福的婚姻,这也是在所难免的),对于这一切,杜涅奇卡自己对我说,她认为自己完全可以处理得好,用不着担心,许多事情她都可以忍让,条件是,如果今后他们之间的关系是真诚的,互敬互一爱一的.譬如说吧,起初我觉得他好像态度生硬;不过要知道,这也可能正是因为他一性一情直爽的缘故,一定是这样的.再譬如说,在他求婚已获同意,他第二次来我们家的时候,在谈话中他说,认识杜尼娅之前,他就已决定娶一个清白无瑕,然而没有陪嫁的姑一娘一,而且一定要是一个已经经受过苦难的姑一娘一;因为,他解释说,丈夫不应接受妻子的任何恩赐.如果妻子认为丈夫是自己的恩人,那将会好得多.我得补充一句,他说这话措词比我写的要委婉和一温一和些,因为我忘记了他的原话,只记得大意,此外,他说这话绝对不是故意的,而显然是谈得起劲的时候脱口而出,因此以后甚至力图改正自己的话,把话说得委婉一些;不过我还是觉得这话似乎有点儿不客气,我把自己的想法告诉了杜尼娅.可是杜尼娅甚至不愉快地回答我说,'言词还不是行动',这当然是正确的.杜涅奇卡在作出决定以前,一一夜没睡,她以为我已经睡着了,于是从一床一上起来,整整一一夜在屋里踱来踱去,最后跪在圣像前,热情地祈祷了好久,第二天一清早就对我说,她决定了.
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①巴克斯是希腊神话中的酒神.
②俄罗斯风俗:在大门上抹柏油是对未出嫁的姑一娘一莫大的侮辱,表示她已失去贞一操一,遭受这样的侮辱之后,就嫁不出去了.
"我已经提到,彼得·彼特罗维奇现在已动身去彼得堡.在那里他有许多重要的大事,他想在彼得堡开办一个律师事务所.他早已在经办各种诉讼案件,前几天刚刚打赢了一场重要的民事诉讼的官司.他必须到彼得堡去,是因为要在那儿参政院里办一件重要案子.所以,亲一爱一的罗佳,他对你可能很有益处,甚至在各方面都能给予你帮助,我和杜尼娅已经认为,你甚至从今天起就可以明确地为自己的未来事业采取某些步骤,并认为自己的命运无疑已经完全确定了.噢,如果这能成为现实,那该多好!这是一件多么有益的事情,应当把这看作上帝直接赐予我们的恩惠.杜尼娅一心梦想着这件事.我们已经就此大胆向彼得·彼特罗维奇透露了几句.他话说得很谨慎,说是,当然啦,他没有秘书是不行的,与其把薪水给予外人,自然不如付给自己的亲戚,只要这位亲戚有能力担任这个职务(你还会没有能力吗!),不过又立刻表示怀疑,因为你在大学里上课,这就不会剩下多少时间在他的事务所里办公了.这一次话就说到这里为止,可是除此而外,现在杜尼娅别的什么都不想.现在她已经有好几天简直处于某种狂一热状态,已经拟订了一个完整的计划,让你以后能成为彼得·彼特罗维奇法律事务方面的助手,甚至能成为他的合伙人,尤其是因为你本来就在法律系读书.罗佳,我完全同意她的意见,赞同她的一切计划,分享她的所有希望,认为它们都是完全可以实现的;而且尽管彼得·彼特罗维奇目前闪烁其词,--这是完全可以理解的,--杜尼娅却坚信,凭她对自己未来的丈夫施加的良好影响,一定能达到目的,对这一点她深信不疑.当然啦,我们都留神不要说漏了嘴,以免向彼得·彼特罗维奇透露我们今后幻想中的任何一点内容,主要是不要提到你将成为他的合伙人.他是个正派人,大概会对此十分冷淡,因为在他看来,这只不过是些空想.同样,无论是我,或是杜尼娅,都还没有向他透露过半个字,谈到我们强烈的希望:资助你读完大学;我们所以不说,是因为,第一,以后这将会是自然而然的,大概用不着别人多说,他自己就会提出来帮助你(这件事情,他还会拒绝杜涅奇卡吗),更加可能的是,你自己可以成为他事务所里的得力助手,不是以接受恩赐的方式,而是以领取应得的报酬的方式得到这种帮助.杜涅奇卡希望能作出这样的安排,我完全同意她的想法.第二,我们所以不说,是因为你们不久即将见面,我特别希望,在见面的时候能让你和他处于完全平等的地位.当杜尼娅兴高采烈地跟他谈起你的时候,他回答说,无论对什么人,都需要先亲自进行观察,与他接近,才能作出判断,还说,等他和你认识的时候,让他自己形成对你的意见吧.你听我说,亲一爱一的罗佳,我觉得,出于某些考虑(不过绝对不是考虑到彼得·彼特罗维奇的态度,而是出于我个人的某些考虑,甚至可以说,是出于老太婆的,女人的任一性一想法),--我觉得,也许在他们结婚以后,我最好还是像现在这样生活,而不要和他们住在一起.我完全相信,他是那样胸怀宽广,待人一温一和,一定会自己邀请我,主动提出,叫我不要与女儿分离,如果说迄今他还没有说起过,那自然是因为,这是不言而喻的;但是我将拒绝他的邀请.我这一生中不止一次注意到,丈母一娘一往往不太讨女婿欢喜,而我不仅不想成为任何人哪怕是极小的累赘,而且自己也想享有充分的自一由,暂时我至少还有口饭吃,而且有像你和杜涅奇卡这样的两个孩子.如果可能,我要住到靠近你们两个人的地方,罗佳,我把最让人高兴的消息留到了信的末尾,因为,你要知道,我亲一爱一的朋友,在将近三年的离别以后,也许不久我们又将聚会在一起,三个人又将拥抱在一起了!我和杜尼娅去彼得堡,这已经肯定了,到底什么时候走,我不知道,但无论如何,这将很快,很快,甚至可能在一星期以后.一切都取决于彼得·彼特罗维奇所作的安排,他先在彼得堡熟悉一下环境,立刻就会通知我们.出于某些考虑,他希望尽可能早日举行婚礼,如果可能,甚至就在目前这个开斋期①结婚,如果由于时间短促,来不及的话,那么一过了圣母升天节斋期②,立刻就举行婚礼.噢,我将多么幸福地把你紧紧搂在胸前,让你紧一贴着我的心啊!杜尼娅想到和你见面时的快乐,心情激动,不能自己,有一次开玩笑说,就是单为了这一点,她也会嫁给彼得·彼特罗维奇.她真是个天使!现在她不附笔给你写什么了,只叫我附带写上两句,就说,她有那么多,那么多话要对你说,现在却无法执笔,因为书不尽意,几行字只能使她感到心烦意乱,怎能说尽心中的千言万语;她叫我代她紧紧拥抱你,无数次吻你.不过尽管说不定我们不久即将见面,我还是要在近几天内尽可能多给你寄些钱去.现在因为大家得知杜涅奇卡要嫁给彼得·彼特罗维奇,所以我的信用也突然提高了,我肯定知道,阿凡纳西· 伊万诺维奇现在会信任我,以养老金作抵押,甚至肯借给我七十五卢布,那么我就也许能给你寄去二十五或者甚至三十卢布了.本想再多寄些,但我为我们旅途的开支担心;尽管彼得·彼特罗维奇心地那么好,分担了我们一部分赴京的费用,主动提出,我们托运行李和一只大箱子的费用由他负担(设法托那儿的熟人办理),可我们还是得考虑到达彼得堡以后的开销,到了那里,不能身无分文,至少头几天得有钱用.不过我和杜尼娅已经把一切都一精一确计算过了,原来路费花不了多少.从我们这儿到火车站总共只有九十俄里,为防万一,我们已经和我们认识的一个赶车的庄稼人讲好了;在车站,我和杜涅奇卡可以坐三等车走,这样也就十分满意了.所以,也许我寄给你的不止二十五卢布,而八成能设法寄去三十卢布.不过,够了;两张信纸全写满了,再也没剩下地方了;我们的事情真是整整一篇故事;是呀,多少事情全都凑到一块儿了!而现在,我亲一爱一的罗佳,拥抱你,直到不久我们见面的时候,一妈一妈一为你祝福,愿上帝保佑你.你要一爱一杜尼娅,你的妹妹,罗佳;要像她一爱一你那样一爱一她,你要知道,她对你的一爱一是无限的,胜过一爱一她自己.她是天使,而你,罗佳,你是我们的一切--我们的全部希望,全部指望.只要你幸福,我们就也会幸福.你向上帝祈祷,罗佳,你是不是仍然相信创世主和我们救世主的仁慈?我心里真感到害怕,最近时髦的不信教的思想是不是会降临到你的头上?如果是这样的话,我要为你祈祷.你要记住,亲一爱一的,还在你的童年,你父亲在世的时候,你常坐在我膝上含糊不清地念祷词,那时候我们大家多么幸福啊!别了,或者最好说,再见!紧紧拥抱你,无数次地吻你.
终生一爱一你的
普莉赫里娅·拉斯科利尼科娃."
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①东正教规定,只能有开斋期举行婚礼,斋期内不得举行婚礼.
②圣母升天节在俄历八月十五日,节前有两个星期斋期,从旧历八月一日至十五日(新历八月十三日至二十八日).
从拉斯科利尼科夫一开始看信起,几乎在看信的全部时间里,他的脸上一直挂满泪珠;但是当他看完以后,脸色却变得惨白,由于一抽一搐,脸都扭歪了,一丝痛苦,懊恼和恶狠狠的微笑掠过他的嘴唇.他把头倒在很薄的破枕头上,思索起来,想了很久.他的心在猛烈地跳动,思想也如波涛一般激烈地翻腾.最后,他感到在这像大橱或箱子,墙纸已经发黄的小屋里又闷又热,憋得透不过气来.思想和视线都要求广阔的空间.他一把抓起帽子,走了出去,这一次已经不担心会在楼梯上遇到人;他已经把这回事忘记了.他穿过B大街,往瓦西利耶夫斯基岛那个方向走去,仿佛急于去那里办什么事,但是走路时一习一惯地不看道路,而是喃喃地自言自语着,甚至说出声来,这使过往的行人觉得十分奇怪.有许多人把他当成醉汉.
